In Memory of..
10Then I said, “It is my grief,
That the right hand of the Most High has changed.”
11I shall remember the deeds of the LORD;
Surely I will remember Your wonders of old.
12I will meditate on all Your work
And muse on Your deeds.
~Psalm 77:10-12~
How easily we forget…How often we move on and don’t think back…Whether it be in times of sickness, strife, or blessing…
The Bible tells us again and again to remember. Oh, how I am so quick to forget the things my God has done. While opening up my journal to study Ruth, I came across an entry I made in South Africa. One night, during worship, they told us that we would be taking part in communion. Now, I’m from the conservative Baptist background where communion, in a nutshell, almost always looks the same. While I’d felt God through communion in times past, I’m not sure I ever really saw it for what I should have.
“THIS DO IN REMEMBRANCE OF ME” read the alter at a church my dad pastored. I must of read it every single time I was in that church, as a child. I don’t think I really understood it’s importance though, even as the effects of communion were placed upon it. In Jefferys Bay, on this particular night, communion was going to look much different than it ever had to me. Scriptures were read, juice was poured and the bread was broken, but then…Then we were told to sit quietly, take out our journals, do whatever we needed to, to encounter God. I’ll admit, looking back, I remember not being in the greatest mood that night. I had come to worship without a heart of one. Little did I know God was going to open me up despite the closed off state I’d come to Him with. I closed my eyes and as I prayed that He would show me what it meant to truly ‘remember’ Him, a flood of images flashed through my mind. The following is what I wrote as I sat there, the literal images God showed me in my mind’s eye that night:
I Remember
We sit in a room together
Everything so white, so bright.
I look at You, at Your Son
The three of us in peaceful silence.
Such calmness, serenity,
You point, then I see.
A screen is in my view.
It’s as if You hit the play button.
The images roll by.
The room is filled with sound.
Instantaneously, I see
This is my life.
Years younger, laughter and tears
Joy, sadness, peace and more.
Years older start to show.
I realize, this is You.
This is the trailor.
The trailor of all Your blessings.
The clips aren’t stopping.
The memories don’t run out,
And I remember.
I remember times I didn’t see.
I remember times I forgot.
I remember You are good.
I remember Your glory.
I remember my life.
I remember where You have been in it.
The scenes are still playing,
And I remember, I remember You.
I asked God what it looked like to ‘remember’ Him and He very literally answered my prayer. I write this now, because I was reminded again that I had, well, forgotten to remember. When I first realized how long I was going to have to be here because of my health, I saw it as attack of Satan. I thought only by Satan’s offense could I be stuck in the states when I was supposed to be in Africa. The thing is, I’ve realized I really only thought that because to me, that could be the only explanation. Being in Africa was a part of my plan and I didn’t see how being here could have anything to do with God. While I believe with all my heart God sent me to Africa and may arrange it so that I can return before my trip is over, I also see now that being here is about more than my poor health. Being here, is not some punishment or restriction. Being here is about Him blessing me and using me. As I look back over my time here so far, I can now remember the ways He’s begun to show me that He’s in control of me being here.
So, I wrote this to remind myself. I wanted to remind myself of the things I forget to recall, the blessings I forget to look for. I wanted to remind myself that God is in control no matter what country I’m in or how sick I am. I wanted to remind myself that if God wanted me in Africa right now, I’d be there. I wanted to remind myself that He has a bigger plan for my being here right now than even I know. Most of all, I wanted to remind myself to always remember…
This is very encouraging, Beth. Of course, I’m thankful to have such a friend as you in my life, but it really shines out when I’m faced with your reminders of God’s incredible grace. You are a sweet, dear friend, and I praise God that you can see what He is clearly doing in your life.
I hope that I can continue to encourage you as you have encouraged me, though both good and bad times. I will still be praying, my friend, but your reminder has certainly changed my prayers from those that you would understand God’s leading to those that you would continue walking boldly forward.
Thanks Beth! This was great. I needed to be reminded.
That poem was beautiful!
Beth,
God can use us wherever we are; you are teaching us just that. I pray that you continue to heal and that God’s will be done regarding your whereabouts. Thanks for sharing such a powerful message with us once again.
Dolores
Beth; your letters and insights into God and his ways belie your tender years….. I’m old enough to be ur grandpa and I admire what you are doing and esp your honesty in what you tell us…. dave mckinney