Beth Lynch, South Africa - What do love and trust breed, if not joy?

Just a Reminder

Thu, 28 May 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Good Morning, Good Afternoon, and Good Evening!

(I figured that I'd address all times of the day, seeing as I don't know when each of you will read this. Hey, got to cover the basis right? Is that politically correct then? Hahaha Oh well.)

I want to start by greeting you all with the love of Christ that I have for each of you in my heart! You have supported me in so many ways, read so many of my blogs, and continued to be a blessing on my life as it's taken some unexpected turns. Thank you, thank you, thank you!! I can't even begin to say that enough. I'm getting distracted now though, I must admit. My purpose in writing this was to remind you that this blog will be shut down some time next month. To those of you that didn't read that in a previous update, I have set up another blog on a different site. Though I haven't been blogging too much lately (do to the craziness of life), I have already begun to blog on this second site.

The new website is http://kneelfirst.wordpress.com

There is one downside to this new site. While it is of much better quality, it will not send out automatic alerts every time I blog (to those of you that have signed up on this site). So, my plan is to take all your e-mail addresses from this site and send out a mass e-mail whenever I blog. The e-mail will come from heartservesafrica@yahoo.com (to those of you that don't already know it). You may want to add my e-mail address into your contacts so that none of my updates go into your 'Junk' folder.

If you do not wish to continue getting my e-mails and reading my blogs, please let me know so that I can avoid bombarding your inbox. :) For those of you wanting to stick around or are considering following me to the new site, know that my blogs will continue to be of the same context. Also, as God continues to do things in my life (in way of Africa or other things), I will share them with you as I always have.

I love every one of you and appreciate every prayer, every comment, every e-mail, and every donation given. I have NO doubt that God is not done with me in Africa! So, I encourage you to follow me over to my new site.

In Christ's love,

(as all things should begin and end)

Your faithful servant,

Beth

P.S. Again, this is my LAST blog on this site...

Update On Life

Thu, 7 May 2009 00:00:00 GMT

I feel like it has been so long since I've blogged. The last time was three days after my teammate's death. Every Sunday that passes makes it seem like it's been so long and yet still as if it were just yesterday. I will never forget my beautiful friend and am jealous that she is experiencing what we can all only imagine, while in the arms of our Father!

I suppose I should next address my health, an issue that has governed the last four months (specifically and longer) of my life. As far as my stomach issues are concerned, I am thankfully on meds that are now regulating and drastically improving my day-to-day health! All thanks to God!! Within the last two months (ontop of the stomach issues) I started having some serious vision problems, dizziness, and bad headaches. At the time I couldn't deal with it, financially or medically because I was trying to focus on getting my stomach better. However, two weeks ago when I fell and hit my head because of the dizziness, my parents convinced me to go to the doctor. After a few visits and an MRI, I was told that I have chronic migrains. I have been for some time now apparently, experiencing migrains. I've had chronic headaches all my life but I always just chalked it up to bad vision and lack of glasses. The migrain diagnosis, I will say, has been the fastest one so far in years and easily treated as well. They have me on two (thankfully generic and cheap) meds. I've been on them for the last several days and can already tell a difference. Again, all thanks to God!!

So, that leaves me healing up pretty well after SO many months of serious illness. I am incredibly thankful to God and thankful to you all for the prayers, cards and e-mails! You all have blessed me so much by continuing to support me in multiple ways.

I am now ready to move into the working world again and will be looking for as much work as I can get my hands on as soon as possible. Medical bills (among others) have most definitely piled up beyond anything I've ever seen in the last few months and full-time work will be much needed! I ask that you all please pray for the right job and pay that God would have for me.

It is very important that I get these bills paid off as soon as possible as God has revealed some pretty awesome and huge future plans for me in Africa! I hate to hit any of you up for anything more than everything you've already done for me, but if any of you know of a job, please let me know. I have plenty of retail, office, and childcare experience.

Thank you for everything!!!!! I pray God blesses and challenges you all to bless others each and every day!!

**P.S.

This may seem like a silly prayer request but: On Sunday there was an accident with my laptop that has left it fried. The computer is not salvageable but the harddrive might be. However, I'm told that a data recovery company would charge a minimum of $750 to "possibly" save my lost files. Some of the files, I can do without..but there are lost family, friend, and Africa files that I want desperately to get back. I also used my laptop for all my blogs in the past and planned on using it in the future for other missions adventures. So, this all really puts me in a tough, stressful spot. Like I said, it may sound like a silly request..but my laptop meant more than just having mobile internet. It connected me in the past, present, and would have in the future..with all of you, no matter where God had me. Please pray that in some way, God provides here.

Happy Birthday Sarah

Wed, 8 Apr 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Today, my blog will be unlike any other I've ever written. Today, is Sarah Buller's 19th birthday. Sarah Buller was one of my teammates, and on Sunday, April 5th, Sarah died in Port Elizabeth, South Africa. I received the news via Facebook early Sunday afternoon. The news of the ordeal spread quickly throughout my team.

She was part of the 15 members of my team that went to Port Elizabeth for the second semester of our missions program. On Sunday, Sarah, two teammates-Kevin King and Lisa Derrah, and a South African named Tashreik (from their church there in P.E.) were headed to Jefferys Bay for the day. Kevin and Sarah were in the back, while Lisa was in the front along with Tashreik, who was driving. They lost control of the car. Sarah didn't make it.

When I received the news, my world stopped. I couldn't believe it and honestly, three days later it still doesn't seem real. Being stateside and away from my team has never been harder than these last few days. Today there is a memorial for her in South Africa and I wish nothing more than to be able to be there, grieving and remembering with my team. Sarah was one of the few girls on the team that I'd gotten close with and she had become an amazing friend. She was from a large, loving, christian family in Minnesota. Though she was one of the several younger members of our team, she was well beyond her years.

As my entire team mourns the loss of such a wonderful servant of God, we draw strength from Christ. Sarah died doing exactly what she had a passion for, serving God and loving people. She was a funny, beautiful, hard-working girl and was dearly loved. The day after her death a group was created on Facebook for those of her friends and family that wanted to look back and honor her memory. I am proud to say that in just a few short days, that group has grown to the number of 421 members, increasing multiple times a day. She truly made an impact for Christ in this world! While it hurts us all deeply that she's gone, we are confident that she is in the arms of our Father.

And what better place to spend your birthday?! So, here's to you Sarah Buller! Here's to the best birthday party ever, with God as your guest! We love you Sarah! We miss you! (I love you! I miss you!) You changed us all!

"That Thing In The Air"

Fri, 27 Mar 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Ok so, I've been up all night. Due to my health I got too much sleep yesterday so, I never went to bed last night. Most days that end up like have me feeling worse than the previous. I was sitting on the couch for a couple of hours being a bum and then I looked outside. I knew the day would start soon and something in me knew I needed to go walking this morning. I've told myself on several of these occasions that I would do just that. I'd never carried it out. But this morning, something was different. After having such a bad day health-wise yesterday, I think God knew I needed this morning to begin differently. I grabbed my iPod, my keys, a hoodie..and I stepped out the front door, having no idea what I was in for.
The following the a poem I wrote directly after return from my long walk. It is everything I experienced and yet no even close to all God showed me..

That Thing In The Air
3-27-09
I open the door and there it is,
the cool air.
A chill hits me,
from head to toe.
But it isn't cold.
There's something different
this morning.
There's something in that cool air.
What is it?
I would have noticed,
had it been there
before.
Or would I?
I leave the house;
step onto the road.
As I take each step,
it's presence overwhelms me.
But what is it?
Music plays in my ears.
But still all I can hear,
is that familiar something.
It isn't audible.
Still, it's there.
It's in the air.
Step by step,
I glance above.
I see the trees,
colored in
what?
What is it?
I leave one road.
Onto another.
I look up.
I look down.
I see the color.
I pass a school,
no children play.
It's early.
The sounds ring of morning,
But the sun says "No."
I make it to a park and there,
in front of my stare,
A chair.
Drops of the morning,
leave parts damp.
Still, I stop.
I feel compelled to stay.
I close my eyes.
It's there.
It's all around.
It's in the air.
The music leaves my ears,
and still I hear
something louder than
the sound of morning.
I glance my eyes above again,
my sight caught by flight
of feathered friend.
What is it?
It touches my face.
I can feel it.
My cheek is cold;
still I'm warm.
I see the breeze of trees,
as it passes from one to another.
The wind seems to awake each,
With the wave of morning.
I close my eyes again,
and listen.
I'm the only one here.
In the distance I hear,
the sounds of city.
But this thing,
it plays louder.
What is it?
I get up again.
The search didn't end.
I pass a quiet field of sports and play,
And I hear the young voices of a warm day.
The path beneath my feet curves;
I follow.
I see more trees,
some hollow.
The floor beneath covered in green,
the ivy spreads from ground to tree.
Plants and flowers spring forth
from it's tight grip.
They seem to be dripping in,
the color,
of the thing I seek.
The sides of path are bordered
with the life old and new.
It's playing louder.
What is it?
I reach out and touch the bark
of moss covered structure.
It's texture,
speaks of what I search.
Creatures of this park seem to be in numbers,
not scared away by the normal crowd of later day.
I come upon a shelter surrounded.
Trees blossomed on each side.
Petals fallen,
ground covered,
It plays louder here.
What is it that graces the air?
I stop for a moment to take it in.
The more I draw with each breath,
The more I seem to expect.
I press on.
As I cross a bridge,
I close my eyes
let my hands
guide
along the wooden rail.
It's texture,
It's dampened feel
speaks of what I search for.
But what is it?
The path moves on
and I follow.
It starts to come to an end.
As I head back,
my hands reach out.
I touch the new bud of a small tree branch.
I feel the leaves high above me.
A flower in my palm,
blows away with the breeze of trees.
My fingers run along brick and stone.
Surface after surface speaks
of what I search.
I look up,
I look down,
I see color after color around.
They shout of something.
What is it?
I'm almost home
and then it hits me.
Is it "Spring"?
No.
An insufficient name for what this is.
The sights.
The sounds.
The colors from sky to ground.
The breeze of trees,
It's something so much more
than Spring.
I took a walk
Began my day
in search
as morning came.
The experiences of it all and more;
He was there.
He was was that thing
in the air.

"I Saw What I Saw"

Mon, 23 Mar 2009 00:00:00 GMT

This is a video by a christian music artist names Sara Groves. I saw this video some time before I left for Africa and I'll admit, watching it then, it was hard to imagine that I would indeed see the things shown there. It all really seemed to be a world away. I watched it again recently, the first time since I returned to the states. I have to say, it means so much more now. It means reflection, deep reflection. It also means conviction. So, what am I going to do with that reflection and conviction? Where does that passion go from here?

I read an excerpt from Sara's website and it really struck home:
"There is a scene in the movie Dances with Wolves where the Sioux are on a much anticipated buffalo hunt. As they come up over a hill, they are shocked to see a field full of buffalo carcasses. The tragedy of that moment is that where the Sioux use every piece of the buffalo-the bladder holds water, the bone makes a tool, the skin is a covering for a tent- whoever has done this has taken the best part of the buffalo for himself and has left everything else to waste. There is no way to make good use of all that is lying in this field.
I was so convicted when I went to Africa that I am not using all of my spiritual buffalo. I have developed this one side of my personal relationship with God. I go to church, I have incredible worship, and I listen to incredible speakers. I have money to buy devotionals, and leisure time to do those devotionals. I have spent a lifetime grooming a personal faith in Christ, but have I been taking the best piece of the buffalo for myself? There has been a joy in discovering the good use of my life. There is a reciprocal redemption that happens when we enter into stories of helping our neighbor-not just around the world, but in our own communities. When I came home from Africa, instead of feeling guilty for my life, I began to hear God in a very clear way say, that thing carries water, that thing makes a tool, that is covering for a tent.' There is a beauty to the good use of a life, and to the acknowledgment that everything you have and do has a Kingdom purpose."
Now, it took her going to Africa and seeing what was there to realize she wasn't using all God had given her. But what I have to ask myself is, am I? What do I keep for myself? What parts of my life am I NOT using for the Kingdom? And should it really take any of us going half way across the world to be hit with the reality of the fact that, WE ARE NOT HERE FOR OURSELVES. So why on earth do we keep acting like it??

God's Will and His Provision

Tue, 17 Mar 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Have you ever thought about how the will of God and His provision for His children are intertwined?

I sat down tonight to have some much needed, and belated time in the Word. I had no idea what passage or even what book I would dive into. Of course, God did. He knew exactly where He wanted me tonight and what He wanted to inspire in me. I started out by flipping through a journal I'd kept for our sessions in South Africa. I got to a December 8th discussion and suddenly God threw me into the topic all over again. The topic in our Big Group discussion that day in South Africa, was God's will. I remember our leader starting off by saying that at the end of the session we would know what God's will was for our lives. The room burst into looks of confusion and some snickering. How could our leader possibly say that? How could he promise that a room full of 18-24 yr olds were all about to know exactly what God wanted them to do with their lives?

That possibility seemed even more odd to us because of our age, I believe. We were all at the stage of life where the world tells us we have to choose this or that career, school, or path. And then, there also just seems to naturally be that thing within us all, age aside, that makes us question why we're here and what we're to do with our lives. I believe God put that need to search, in us. I also believe that, as humans, and often as christians, we over-complicate it.

-What job should I have?

-Where should I attend school?

-Who should I marry?

-How should I raise my children?

-What should I do with my money?

-What church should I attend?

-And so on...

Those are just some of the questions we all seem to ask at one time or another in our lives. They are all honorable searches but we seem, often, to look straight past the answers God has already given us. The biggest question we ask is the one that all of these stem from, "Why am I here?" Mark 12:28-33 gives a great answer to this question.

28 One of the scribes came and heard them arguing, and recognizing that He had answered them well, asked Him, "What commandment is the foremost of all?"

29 Jesus answered, "The foremost is, 'HEAR, O ISRAEL! THE LORD OUR GOD IS ONE LORD;

30 AND YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND, AND WITH ALL YOUR STRENGTH.'

31 "The second is this, 'YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.' There is no other commandment greater than these."

32 The scribe said to Him, "Right, Teacher; You have truly stated that HE IS ONE, AND THERE IS NO ONE ELSE BESIDES HIM;

33 AND TO LOVE HIM WITH ALL THE HEART AND WITH ALL THE UNDERSTANDING AND WITH ALL THE STRENGTH, AND TO LOVE ONE'S NEIGHBOR AS HIMSELF, is much more than all burnt offerings and sacrifices."

So what are we here for? Simply put in these verses, first and foremost, we are here to Love God with everything we've got. In that, we are to bring to this fallen world, the Kingdom of God. So, that's God's will for each and every one of us. "Yeah, yeah, ok. But what does that look like?"

It is definitely wise to offer up the details and decisions of our lives to God in prayer. Sometimes the every day and especially our future days, can become so overwhelming. But I think we often just make it all so much more complicated and frankly, about us, than it's supposed to be. God knows that I've done that to Him a million times. Matthew 6:19-34 gives us a smaller picture of what loving God with all we have (Mark 12: 28-33) (and our life's purpose) is supposed to look like.

19 "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.

20 "But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal;

21 for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

22 "The eye is the lamp of the body; so then if your eye is clear, your whole body will be full of light.

23 "But if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light that is in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!

24 "No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other You cannot serve God and wealth.

25 "For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?

26 "Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?

27 "And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life?

28 "And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin,

29 yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these.

30 "But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith!

31 "Do not worry then, saying, 'What will we eat?' or 'What will we drink?' or 'What will we wear for clothing?'

32 "For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.

33 "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

34 "So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

These are verses many of us have heard and read many times over. But, do we really put them into practice?

-Don't store up wealth on this earth for the sake of the things of this world.

-If we want our treasures to be of heaven, then we should be seeking with our lives, things which glorify God.

-The things that we worship with our time and efforts, are the the things we truly serve.

That pretty much covers verses 19-24. Seek after the things of God with every part of our lives and do not put our hope into the things of this world. The rest of the passage keys in on our needs and God's provision. That's where my first statement of this blog comes in. Have you ever thought about how the will of God and His provision for His children are intertwined? Verses 25-34 seem to take a turn from the first set.

-We have no reason to worry about the "little" things, even though to us, they often seem so big.

-Verse 26 is a beautiful analogy of the fact that, despite our efforts, God is the ultimate Provider.

-Worrying, does not add to our lives. Instead, it takes away from them.

-If God sustains the plants and animals of this world, how much more will He provide for His children?

-Do not worry about the things of the day: your health, your wealth, your shelter, etc.. God is very literally in control of all of these things. Our needs DO NOT go unnoticed.

-If we seek after the things of God, we will be provided for.

So why do you think God talks about His providence in the same passage as His will? It's almost like, God knew we were going to worry about the decisions and details of our lives. Oh wait, He did! For us to be willing to go against what the world calls for us to do with our lives..and instead seek after God with every element of what we have..... Well, that would definitely require reckless abandon! And ya know what, I'd love to reckless abandon the things of this world!

Here's to giving up the life of this world, to diving into a life of total servitude, to no longer freaking out about the daily struggles of my life, and to instead loving God, loving people, and living with everything I have for Him...in that, may His will be done.

New Site!

Mon, 9 Mar 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Hello, my beautiful readers!!

As I mentioned in a previous blog, this site will be shut down on June 20th. I also mentioned that I intended to keep the blogging going and would move onto another site when it became necessary. Well, I have already found a great site to move over to and wanted to let you guys know about it.

My new site is http://www.kneelfirst.wordpress.com. I plan to transition slowly, in order to make sure that everyone who would like to keep reading, has the chance to find out about my new site. So, for the time being, I will post simultaneously on both blogs, with the new blog possibly receiving a few more specific posts. I encourage you to check out my new site, which is far more advanced and has a specific page dedicated so far, to my photography. I plan to add even more onto the site later on. I am considering a poetry page as well.

Yeah so, I'm excited and would love if you checked out the new site!!

Cardboard Testimony

Sun, 1 Mar 2009 00:00:00 GMT

This is a very strong video. I've seen it before, watched it again just now, and am still blown away by it. My prayer is that you will be overwhelmed and moved by its message, by God's message of the love and grace He offers us all. It's 8:04 worth off your time, I promise.

Good Afternoon Supporters!

Tue, 24 Feb 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Ndikubulisa Jesus Christ

I greet you in the name of Jesus Christ!

Ndiyakuthanda

I love you all!

Enkosi

Thank you!

Thank you for your support from day one. Thank you for your letters, your cards, your prayers, and your love. When we were told that we would have these blogs and that we were required to blog once a week while in Africa, I was ok with that. But, I never imagined that so many people would actually take the time, not only to read my blogs, but to also comment on them. It's one (important) thing to read a blog and then go about your day, but so many of you went beyond that. You took the time to encourage me, and for that, I am so grateful. When I was in Africa I looked forward to checking my e-mail after posting a blog, because I knew you would have something waiting there for me. I'm not going to lie, it was a lot of working keeping up with your responses, but I loved every minute of it. It's been a lot easier here in the states, since I've had so much time on my hands. And yet, I've blogged less I think. Part of that is out of how sick I've been throughout all these weeks, and the other part is probably sheer laziness.

Speaking of time in the states, that leads me to my next point. Some of you have probably been expecting this for a while, and then some of you could have been in denial as I was. I've been praying since I waited to get results back from that very first test, that God would get me back to Africa a.s.a.p. After a few weeks and more tests, the prayers also included requests for a speedy recovery. A few more weeks later and then a more after that and, my prayers became a petition for God's will to be revealed. As more time went on, it seemed that me getting back was less and less likely. I was hit with the question almost every single day and am still asked now, "When are you going back to Africa?" Some asked out of concern for my health, some asked out of curiousity, and some asked out of doubt that I was supposed to still be in the states after this long. As I continued to pray for clearity and guidance, my responses went from that of "I don't know, hopefully soon." to "Not any time soon, it would be ideal if I was well enough to get back by April and finish out the last month in a half."

The changes in my responses weren't the only change I saw. Somewhere a long the line there was also a change in my attitude regarding this whole circumstance. At first, I was annoyed with the tests and doctors' visits. Then, I became bitter. Bitter about being sick and bitter about being stuck here. I was supposed to be there. I think I might have even became a little bitter with God, out of all the uncertainty I was feeling. And then one day hit me, and boy did it feel like a slap in the face! It wasn't Satan's doing that had me here. It was God's. It's awful that I got the two confused but I did. I had put myself in the equation of why I was here. I thought the only possibility was that it was an attack from Satan, as my body definitely felt attacked. But that one day God was like, "Ok, seriously? That's not it at all." Then He began to show me all the things He was doing here, in me and through me. The most important things were the ones He was doing in me. One of which was, more trust, learning more trust in Him and His ways. I was so convinced that only Satan could keep me from Africa but that God was still in control and would take over when He was ready. But the truth was, God was in control the whole time and He was the one keeping me from Africa. I knew that I knew that I knew that I knew, I was still supposed to be in Africa. It didn't make sense to me how it could be any other way. How God could do that, after all I'd gone through to get there, after all the waiting.

And there it was, I kept making this about me. It wasn't about all I'd done, or all I'd gone through. It was about Him. It was about what God had done and what He had gotten me through to get me to Africa. But more than that, it was still part of a bigger plan. I don't know what the rest of that plan looks like but I do know this: God knew He would put Africa on my heart when I was twelve. He knew I would pray for 9 years to get there, He knew that on September 15th, 2008 I would arrive in Africa, and He knew that on December 20th, 2008 I would fly home for Christmas break. But there was more, much more. All of which, I don't yet know and can't see. However, on Friday, February 20th, 2009 after being in the states for 9 weeks and counting, God gave me that clearity I'd prayed for.

He laid it out, plain and simple, and I'm not going to lie..it hit hard. He blew open the doors of denial and showed me that the close future does not have me returning to Africa, not for this trip. A million things rushed through my mind as the deep sense of sadness and yet confidence in God flooded over me. I won't see my teammates again while in Africa, I won't see my children at Ithemba again, I won't see Jbay again, and I won't see all the beautiful people there. But even in those thoughts, I'm limiting God. God can place me back in Africa at any given point in the future. Not going back now because of my health, is not an end-all for the possibility of return.

I don't believe that God is done fulling my dream and His plans for me in Africa. He is putting them on hold though. Well, really He's just putting mine on hold, because His plans for me are never on hold. God doesn't take breaks from provision, sovreignty, love, and supreme control for my life. I do have to keep telling myself that though. I get in my way sometimes. I want so badly to be back in Africa right now and most definitely not to be sick. But I know with all my heart, God has bigger plans than I can see and better things than I can imagine.

"It's a new dawn, it's a new day.." Ring the lyrics of one of my new favorite songs. That's how I'm going to see this all. It's a new dawn, a new day, and I'm excited to see what God will do with this day. Going to Africa was a huge turning point in my life and I returned changed for the better. Now, my life is turning again, the difference is this time I can't see the destination. So, it requires me to trust Him more, something I can never learn enough times.

I sit here, ending this blog, thinking of how I can best wrap it up. I praise God for all of you. I feel like it's in no way possible for me to thank you enough or even convey how much you all mean to me. I plan to continue blogging about all He is doing in my life. This blogsite has to be shut down on June 20th. When that happens, I plan to get another site. I've seen more from this time in my life, how important it is to share the love and blessings of God our Father. If I can do that with words, I will. For the rest of my life I will write for the Lord! (That's actually something that literally just struck me, how much God may just want to use my writing for more than I ever imagined.) This blog has become longer than I thought it would be. But, there was no way to simply say, "I'm not going back to South Africa." Because, this isn't simple at all. It's complex and intricate and put together by the Father's hands.

So here I stand, stateside, a missionary still..on a different field for the time being.

Thank you, a thousand times, thank you

In Christ, as all things should end in,

Beth

**Also wanted to say, my family and I still plan to send over all the supplies you have all collected. I will be checking into that soon.

Children of Ithemba, Grow

Mon, 23 Feb 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Children of Ithemba stand!

Children of Ithemba eat!

Children of Ithemba grow!

Children of Ithemba play!

Children of Ithemba learn!

Children of Ithemba blossom!

Children of Ithemba love!

Children of Ithemba be loved!

Children of Ithemba pray!

Children of Ithemba rise up!

I'm overwhelmed right now by a myriad of things that our Gracious Father is showing me. I can say this will definitely only be the first blog I write tonight/this morning. (Whatever you wanna call 4:30 am, since I haven't been to bed yet.)

This blog is dedicated to an update about the children of the town my heart cries for. But more than that, this is about what God's doing there and a praise for how much more is YET to come! The beginning of this blog is my prayer for each and every child that attends Ithemba. It is also what I see currently happening as God raises up His Kingdom in Jbay. I was speaking with a couple of my teammates via the internet a few days back and I asked for an update on the children, especially on Allulutho and Victor. I know that one of the benefits of me being here in the states is that I can see from the outside in, I have a different perspective now that I'm standing "a few steps back."

I almost feel like I can't even put all that is welling up inside of me into words. Oh how beautiful to be so overwhelmed by the work of our Father! Hearing reports of Allulutho and Victor, of things that may seem so minimal in "every day" context, I fell in love all over again with God. A God who cares for each and every child in the world. A God who sees fit to care for even the smile on the faces of children everywhere. A God that delights in the service of one to another is the same God that must smile so big when he looks down on Allulutho and Victor, when He sees the beautiful changes in them!

This was Allulutho (on the right) between October and December

This is Allulutho now!!!

In case you can't fully grasp how BIG the difference is, for those of you will never meet this little girl let me try and put this one thing into words. I'm brought to tears now as I type this, looking at her face, her beautiful smile and the joy in her eyes. The little girl I met when I arrived in Jeffreys had such sad eyes, she stood against a wall every single day, alone. She never spoke to anyone, not even the Xhosa women. For reasons I still don't know, she had an accident almost every single day. She held her head down in shame and refused eye contact. But the girl before you now, look at her. Stop reading for a moment and take thirty seconds and just look into her eyes.

Do you see it? Do you feel her joy? Can you see the change that radiates in her smile? God has done a good work in her! I only wish I had pictures of Victor. What I do have though, are accounts of his progress. The very first day we arrived at Ithemba Victor's story was told. He was one of the only children whose full story they felt we needed to know. We were told that Victor suffered abuse on a regular basis, as did the other members of his family. We were told that Victor's mother was an alcoholic. We were also given examples of the behavior we could see from him. It was said that the year before he had been in much worse condition. That after a weekend of abuse he would come in on a Monday only to act out his pain by beating his head against the wall until he bled. They said he was doing better this semester but that we would have our hands full. They weren't exaggerating and if you've kept up with my blog you may remember a few tales of Victor. I saw changes when I was there but even now I'm seeing more. While my teammates say that he is still a handful, he's doing better in class, a place he couldn't stand to be before. He's learning to be calm around the other children. He's learning. That beautiful, hurt, emotionally abandoned little boy is learning and he's growing. That is huge! That is God!

As I sit here writing this, still so moved to tears as God continues to remind me of what He's done and what He's doing...I'm enthralled with the love of our God!!

¹⁹Therefore Jesus answered and was saying to them, "Truly, truly, I say to you, the Son can do nothing of Himself, unless it is something He sees the Father doing; for whatever the Father does, these things the Son also does in like manner.

²⁰For the Father loves the Son, and shows Him all things that He Himself is doing; and the Father will show Him greater works than these, so that you will marvel.

²¹"For just as the Father raises the dead and gives them life, even so the Son also gives life to whom He wishes.

John 5:19-21

If God can raise from literal death whomever He pleases and from emotional death the heart of so many children, what can He not do? What thing is too small or too large for our God? Nothing! It occurs to me how easy it is to return from a mission field, a retreat, a revival with the idea that there was no fruit. How often we decide what fruit looks like! When we don't see the results we desire maybe we decide we should've prayed harder or done something differently. I'm not saying sometimes that isn't the case but, how often do we miss out on the fact that some beautiful fruit began to ripen infront of our eyes? And why? Because we were so sure we knew what it was supposed to look like?

I look at the smile on Allulutho's face and I hear of the beginning of Victor's journey to peace and I tell you, that is fruit too! Maybe you didn't come back home with 1,000 souls led to Christ. Maybe you didn't have your world turned upside down. Maybe the isles weren't filled with every person on their knees. But maybe even five people in a remote village came to know Christ and will go on to spread the good news. Maybe that weekend retreat God spent reminding you of His truths because you're going to need them soon when the bottom falls out. And maybe, just maybe one person came forward at the alter-call or even made a decision in their seat!

There is a change happening! There is fruit! And there will come a time when, "..EVERY KNEE WILL BOW, of those who are in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and that every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father." Phil 2:10-11

Love, Trust, Joy

Mon, 23 Feb 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Can I just say, God rocks my face off?!!

That may seem an odd statement to some of you but right now, shy of dancing around the room and singing at the top of my lungs, it's the best representation of how joyous I am right now. It's now almost 6 am, I still have yet to go to bed, as my mind races with all that God is putting in front of me. Please forgive the possibly sporadic nature of my tired and overflowing thoughts.

Have you ever had a moment where you look at God and say, "Wow, I get it! I finally get it!" ? One of many things I got out of my first three and a half months being an FYM in Africa was about control, and what it means to really let go. Some of you may remember me writing a blog about my personal life's struggle for control and how God completely broke me down, wrecked me, threw me in the fire, smashed me up, and then glued me back together again but in a shape I'd never seen before. I mentioned "fruit" in the blog right before this one and how that can look like nothing we ever thought. I'm seeing fruit in my own life right now, work that only God could do within me. If it were up to me, I'd fall right back into trying to have my hand at being in control of my life. ("My life" ha, as if I even really own it!) By God's grace though, I'm beginning to learn what it's supposed to look like to let Him have the reigns, really have the reigns. I was reminded tonight, or rather this morning (in the first few hours) of the joy, the breathtaking joy I can find from seeking what He wants and not what I want.

"Let God and Let God"

I'll admit, at times I saw that as somewhat defeatist. As the futility you finally arrive at when all other strengths are exhausted. But I'm seeing it all the time now as more than that. I'm learning to see it as beautiful that He takes great care not to show me the path in front. That He has planned this intricate and detailed life in my best interest and for His glory, what a love!! It's out of that love that He doesn't show me more than one step at a time. One of the greatest things I've received out of being painfully wrecked in South Africa is the change He's beginning in me now. My life is a wonderful journey, adventurous, and planned out with me in mind because He loves me THAT much. What could be better? So it's not in futility that I sit back. It's in blessing from the Father that I can relax in His arms. He is a hammock I take refuge in on a cool spring day, swaying gently to the beautiful rhythm of my life in Him..my life for Him. I can close my eyes as I lean back against His chest, breathing in and out in synch with Him. I can trust fully that I could be blind for the rest of my life and still know He was in control with sights unseen.

It is this trust I'm learning now to place in Him, and it is out of the love He has for me. And what do love and trust breed if not joy? I don't know that I can fully describe the joy I feel right now, knowing He loves me, He's in control, and that I can trust, truly and finally trust Him with all. Will I mess up and forget to trust Him somewhere down the line? Yeah, I will. But I'll look back, I'll remember this moment, this joy that causes me to want to dance around. This joy that has taken over me tonight, not only spiritually and emotionally but also physically..that has pushed me past the level of exhaustion and physical pain to a place of bliss and peace. Oh how I pray that each and every one of you have known a joy like this! How I pray that for us all! That we would pursue His desires, trust Him with our's, love Him with everything, and find joy not only in the God we serve, but in serving the God we serve!

"You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might."

Deut. 6:5

"Your life would be brighter than noonday; Darkness would be like the morning. Then you would trust, because there is hope; And you would look around and rest securely. You would lie down and none would disturb you, And many would entreat your favor."

Job 11:17-19

"But let all who take refuge in You be glad,Let them ever sing for joy;And may You shelter them,That those who love Your name may exult in You."

Psalm 5:11

In Memory of..

Wed, 11 Feb 2009 00:00:00 GMT

    10Then I said, "It is my grief,
         That the right hand of the Most High has changed."
    11I shall remember the deeds of the LORD;
         Surely I will remember Your wonders of old.
    12I will meditate on all Your work
         And muse on Your deeds.

              Psalm 77:10-12

How easily we forget...How often we move on and don't think back...Whether it be in times of sickness, strife, or blessing...

The Bible tells us again and again to remember. Oh, how I am so quick to forget the things my God has done. While opening up my journal to study Ruth, I came across an entry I made in South Africa. One night, during worship, they told us that we would be taking part in communion. Now, I'm from the conservative Baptist background where communion, in a nutshell, almost always looks the same. While I'd felt God through communion in times past, I'm not sure I ever really saw it for what I should have.

"THIS DO IN REMEMBRANCE OF ME" read the alter at a church my dad pastored. I must of read it every single time I was in that church, as a child. I don't think I really understood it's importance though, even as the effects of communion were placed upon it. In Jefferys Bay, on this particular night, communion was going to look much different than it ever had to me. Scriptures were read, juice was poured and the bread was broken, but then...Then we were told to sit quietly, take out our journals, do whatever we needed to, to encounter God. I'll admit, looking back, I remember not being in the greatest mood that night. I had come to worship without a heart of one. Little did I know God was going to open me up despite the closed off state I'd come to Him with. I closed my eyes and as I prayed that He would show me what it meant to truly 'remember' Him, a flood of images flashed through my mind. The following is what I wrote as I sat there, the literal images God showed me in my mind's eye that night:

I Remember

We sit in a room together

Everything so white, so bright.

I look at You, at Your Son

The three of us in peaceful silence.

Such calmness, serenity,

You point, then I see.

A screen is in my view.

It's as if You hit the play button.

The images roll by.

The room is filled with sound.

Instantaneously, I see

This is my life.

Years younger, laughter and tears

Joy, sadness, peace and more.

Years older start to show.

I realize, this is You.

This is the trailor.

The trailor of all Your blessings.

The clips aren't stopping.

The memories don't run out,

And I remember.

I remember times I didn't see.

I remember times I forgot.

I remember You are good.

I remember Your glory.

I remember my life.

I remember where You have been in it.

The scenes are still playing,

And I remember, I remember You.

I asked God what it looked like to 'remember' Him and He very literally answered my prayer. I write this now, because I was reminded again that I had, well, forgotten to remember. When I first realized how long I was going to have to be here because of my health, I saw it as attack of Satan. I thought only by Satan's offense could I be stuck in the states when I was supposed to be in Africa. The thing is, I've realized I really only thought that because to me, that could be the only explanation. Being in Africa was a part of my plan and I didn't see how being here could have anything to do with God. While I believe with all my heart God sent me to Africa and may arrange it so that I can return before my trip is over, I also see now that being here is about more than my poor health. Being here, is not some punishment or restriction. Being here is about Him blessing me and using me. As I look back over my time here so far, I can now remember the ways He's begun to show me that He's in control of me being here.

So, I wrote this to remind myself. I wanted to remind myself of the things I forget to recall, the blessings I forget to look for. I wanted to remind myself that God is in control no matter what country I'm in or how sick I am. I wanted to remind myself that if God wanted me in Africa right now, I'd be there. I wanted to remind myself that He has a bigger plan for my being here right now than even I know. Most of all, I wanted to remind myself to always remember...

Medical Update #2

Thu, 5 Feb 2009 00:00:00 GMT

To all my family, friends, and supporters: I want to apologize for not having blogged again sooner with an update. Between all the medical tests and mandatory rest, I kept putting it off. I am still, in the states, for those of you that don't know. After two weeks since the last hospital visit, I had a follow-up appointment yesterday with the doctor.

Apparently there were more things they found out the last time I was at the hospital besides all the pre-ulcers in my stomach. I have two different serious problems. I have severe gastritis, which means the entire first layer of lining in my stomach is gone. It's completely eroded away. That's why the pain is so bad. There's naturally acid in everyone's stomach but apparently my stomach doesn't know what to do with it. It makes it extremely difficult to eat (most days I eat only once or twice) and if I don't eat, apparently the acid does more damage. (A very frustrating dilemma when it comes to eating..)

The other thing I have is called Barrett's Esophagus. The fact that there was a pamphlet on it was alarming enough. And then she described it...A lot of people have acid reflux and apparently I do too. The problem is, I don't feel it when I have it, like normal people do. Because of all the problems in my stomach, the acid has moved up into my esophagus and changed the cells from esophagus cells to stomach cells. As you can imagine, that's not a good thing. I only have a small section of my esophagus that shows this illness, some people have it a lot worse than I do. That said, it's still serious. If the acid continues to mess with those cells, they can become pre-cancerous. Yeah, pre-cancerous, not a word I was expecting to hear at my doctor's appt. It doesn't mean cancer it just means, there is a possibility it could make my cells more likely to get cancer. This is definitely NOT something I wanted to hear. For that, I'll have to be checked again in a year or two to make sure everything is ok. Not real sure why they want me to wait that long, but that's what they said.

As if that couldn't be enough, there's more. She also said that I won't be feeling "back to normal" (not that I remember what that is) for at least six months and that I won't really be feeling better for at least six weeks. To top it off, we talked also about my leaving the country any time soon. I explained to her how "on the go" I would be once I got back and she explained her fears about that. She said obviously I had to make my own decision but that she doesn't feel I'm well enough to go back yet. Especially since at this point, we're still in the process of figuring out what meds work enough to get me through the day. She's afraid such a schedule and crazy African food might jump start this whole process all over again. And then of course she wouldn't be able to help me, and really, neither would the African doctors (from what I've seen). I have another appt in four weeks, to see how I'm doing.

So, yeah. That's the very unfortunate, frustrated, sick, and 'reminding myself to trust God' place that I'm at right now. I know God has a plan and He's definitely worked in my life through my time here since Christmas. I'm not going to lie though, it's extremely hard being stuck here, away from my team, my children there, and the country my heart yearns to serve.

I don't yet know what my return looks like. Or if, because of my health, there will be one. I know I'm going to have to make a decision regarding that, especially after all you guys have done for me. Unfortunately I don't yet feel equipped to make that choice. I am praying for clearity and guidance. I only want to do what God wants for me.

Thank you all for the cards, monetary support, and prayers you have so graciously blessed me with. I love you all, even those of you I haven't met. May God bless you all for the many ways you have blessed me!!

Medical Update

Tue, 6 Jan 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Hey guys,

I just wanted to let all of you, my supporters, family, and friends know what's taken place on my Christmas break. For those of you that don't know, I've been in the states since December 20th and was due to fly back out to South Africa on January 5th. Unfortunately, there has been a "hiccup" in those plans.

A few days after I arrived back in the states, I had a doctor's appointment. I'd been having some pretty awful stomach problems throughout the duration of the trip. I was pretty sure it was not connected with the sickness I contracted during Beat the Drum, because I had these same problems at least six months or so before the trip. The doctors never figured out what it was then, and since it had now returned and was making my trip even harder, I decided to see another Dr. during my Christmas break.

My doctor wanted to run some tests, the results of which would be back, at best, the day I was supposed to fly out. With the help of my parents, I made the hard decision to stay and wait for the tests. So, I'll be here, sticking it out for as long as it takes. That said, it's incredibly stressful waiting and I want to get back to Jeffreys Bay as soon as I can. To be honest, I don't like doctors (as I've been to them nearly all my life) and I don't have a lot of patience when it comes to tests.

I have another appointment on Thursday, with a new doctor, and most likely new tests. I ask for your prayers, that the doctors will figure out what's up soon and that I can get back to Jbay in a timely fashion. Thank you all for everything!

Ministry Supplies 2

Tue, 6 Jan 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Hello to all my loyal, loving, blog-readers,

I just wanted to say a quick "Thank You!" to everyone that has given, in any way, towards the ministry supplies. You all have no idea how much it will truly impact the children of Jeffreys Bay. If anyone else would like to help out in any way, you can e-mail me at heartservesafrica@yahoo.com, call me at (865) 454-7534, or contact my dad (if you are in his class).

Useful items:

-scissors

-crayons

-pencils

-construction paper

-beads

-glitter

-stickers

-craft sticks

-foam pieces

-pipe cleaners

-glue sticks and bottles

-craft fabric

-balloons

-alphabet and number cards (would especially be useful for the younger ones that I work with)

-anything else you can think of that could be used to make a craft, especially educational and biblical items

Ithemba Pictures

Thu, 25 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT

These have all been a long time coming, I know. Now back in the states, on my Christmas break, and able to use something other than South African internet..I can show you all images to go along with my words.

Above is Allulutho

The entire Ithemba ministry team, from left to right: Trinos, Ryan,

Lusanda, Samantha, Nomsa, Megan, myself, Mama Queen, Ellen, Ashley, Nsepho, and Sara

Jeffreys Bay Pictures

Thu, 25 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT

General pictures from the beach, around town, and the few of the townships that I have so far been able to capture:

Main beach

Jeffreys Straat

The "main" street in town, Da Gamma..

The road in front of Ithemba..

Tokyo Sexwhale, a "subdivision" of the townships..

From main beach to the dirt roads of the townships, God moves in Jeffreys Bay, South Africa..

Ithemba Video

Thu, 25 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Every day at Ithemba, we sing with the children before they eat. This video is of one of their favorite songs:

Worship at Ithemba

Thu, 25 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Not only is Ithemba an after school care program, it is also a church. On Sundays, I attend church at Ithemba..I love it! This video is of the worship band leading a Xhosa song. You may note all of my teammates not moving as much as everyone else. Well, sometimes it takes us a bit each Sunday to really let loose ;-P.

Christmas Party at Ithemba Video

Thu, 25 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Though it felt like, and was in fact summer there, we threw a Christmas party our last day at Ithemba for this semester. This is a video of a few children being entertained by a classic game of Simeon Says:

"Itty, bitty living space.."

Wed, 10 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT

For some of you, the title of this blog may ring familiar. Others of you may assume this blog will in some way relate to my current living quarters. Though I could by grand means go on a rant about the space I live in, :-p, this blog heads into another direction entirely. For that matter, it's not my living space I'm writing about...

In the early 90s, Disney produced an animated movie called Aladdin. The movie chronicles the story of a young guy, from the wrong side of the tracks that falls in love with a beautiful princess, eager to do more than settle for arranged marriage. Aladdin was one of my favorite movies as a child. Robin Williams was cast as the voice of Genie, in my opinion the funniest and best character in the movie. Genie, is bonded forever to live in a magic lamp and grant three wishes to each and every master that stumbles upon him. Being supernatural, he has the power to be any size but in reality, with all his power, is quite large. My favorite line from the movie is when Genie, in a tiny, sarcastic, reflective voice refers to the lamp as "..itty, bitty, living space."

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about living space. God has really been bringing the idea up in my mind, from seeing where one of the Ithemba ladies lives, thinking about what living space looks like for my return to the states, to taking time to really look out of the sea of shack houses in the townships. God has been speaking to me through these things and more about what His living space looks like.

I've been wondering how often we give Him "itty, bitty living space." How often do we try and put such a BIG GOD in such a little box? I could branch off from this about the living space in our hearts that we give to God, but I'm centering more here on the space in our lives. How much room do we give God to move?

This week the Ithemba program is over because school is on holiday until January. Some kids still show up because they know they can get a meal there, which they still do, but the program is technically on holiday. All four women that work there have every other day off. Because of the program ending, our leaders told us that this week my ministry team had to come up with what ministry we would be doing. They suggested we be intentional with our ministry, reaching out relationally to the women and children. My team came together on Sunday and decided on Monday that we would head to Ithemba, see what women were off that day, and then go and visit one of them. With this being the last week of ministry for this semester (next week is debrief and then we all head home or elsewhere for the Christmas break) we really wanted to take the time to build relationships. This week would provide us the opportunity to do that without being held down by the schedule of Ithemba.

So, yesterday we showed up at Ithemba and saw that Nomsa wasn't there. Mama Queen and Lusanda were there with the less than fifteen children that had showed up. We played with the children for maybe half an hour. In that time, some of the team had decided they wanted to stay and take the kids to the beach. Our team ended up splitting in half. Myself and two others headed to Nomsa's house, while the other half stayed behind. I've never done house visits, in Africa or otherwise. I had no idea what the day would look like. All we knew was that we felt called to go visit this woman we worked every day with. We headed there with open minds, ready to sit and chat or do anything around the house she might need. It was odd, I have to say, not having a structured plan of what we were going to do there. That said, I felt really good about it and was excited to go and visit with her. Once we found her house up in the townships, we ended up staying there for about two and a half or three hours. All we did was talk and it was amazing. We covered so many subjects and it was just so great to get to know more about her life and her spiritual walk.

That, in and of itself could have been enough for the day. With that alone, I would have felt like God's hand was there and mightily working. But the Big Guy had even more in store for our time with Nomsa. During the conversation she was talking about the electricity in the townships. The company, for reasons I don't understand, frequently turns off the power for the entire area. They will turn it back on, only to turn it off again every couple of days. The people there never know when it will be turned off or on. While telling us this, Nomsa mentioned that because of that it was impossible to use the stove. Nomsa has a five year old daughter and several other people live in her house. So, not being able to cook for herself and the others is a problem. When we asked if they were stuck just eating sandwiches until the electricity was back on, she was forced to reveal that there was actually no food in the house. There was also no money for her to buy any food as she'd given all her money away to help other people, something we learned earlier in the conversation. We asked her what she was going to do for food and she jokingly said that she was fasting.

Nomsa is a very strong, independent woman. She's been through a lot and still continues to have many struggles. The struggle for money is a continual thing for her and those around her. Letting people know though, that she needs help, is not easy for her. With no hesitation, we asked what she wanted for dinner. We didn't know how we would go get food and get back into the townships after the set time to be out (because of the problems that take place in the townships we are supposed to be heading out around 5 pm), but I think we all knew the Spirit was leading us to do what we could. We ended up not leaving her house until 5:30 pm, arranged for a ride to the store on the way back to UCSA, picked up a camping stove at UCSA, grabbed a couple of meals worth of food at the store, and got a ride back into the townships. The thing about buying the food, is that I know God was leading us to do that. I know He sent us to her house that day to do more than bless her by spending time with her. One of the ways that I felt God in all of it was in the simple fact that He was telling me to spend money on the groceries and I did it without hesitation or argument. The thing is, I should have selfishly been fighting that as I don't have much money to my name. I should have been wanting to keep it, unwilling to spend it, because I needed it. But I didn't think twice about it. God basically just said, "You don't have much. But what little you have is mine and here's the reason you have it." All this took place in the split second after she said she didn't have any way to feed herself or the others. And in that time, all the things I really could use that money for on myself, faded away. All the personal needs I thought were important and had worried about being able to provide for, didn't matter. All that mattered was that He said "Go." and I was gonna.

I say all of that not to point at myself for anything I've done. In no way was that of me. I, like all of us, am a selfish, self-centered, self-absored human being that has to pray over and over to die to herself. Yet another reason why, I know God was in what took place that day. I came back from ministry that day, feeling such joy. You know, the joy you feel when you are confident that you were right where God wanted you. It was so freeing to come back from ministry not worrying about what time it was, or what all I had or wanted to get done in my "free" time. Instead, I came back so joyous, so blessed by what I'd experienced. And that's when God broke out the 'box' talk. See, God's been teaching me a lot about boxes lately. He used the day with Nomsa to further enforce it all. When we headed to Nomsa's house, we had no idea what that time was going to look like. We considered just sitting with her or maybe seeing if she needed help around the house. But, we really felt strongly that we needed to go open to whatever God wanted the day to look like. And so that's what we did. We went and had a completely Spirit-led day of ministry. We could have made some huge plan for that day with her that we'd deemed as such a grand idea. In that though, we would've been quenching the prompting of the Spirit. Even more so though, we would've been putting God in a box.

It's odd to me to think that even in ministry, even on the mission field, we can put God in a box. But something He's been showing me lately is that in our time here, we've been doing just that. Structure is a necessary evil I'm sure but I think we've gone above and beyond that. I think we've become complacent as a team so that we've headed into ministry a lot of the time with a set plan of what God can and cannot do that day. Maybe it's never voiced, in fact I'm sure it rarely is, but it's like sometimes we're telling God what His limits are for the day. How crazy is that?! I know this is a human struggle, that of constantly putting God in a box. I think no matter where we are in our lives, we put limits on God. It would seem that even when we let Him out of a little box, all we do is give Him an upgrade. Perhaps we can never not put God in a box, no matter what the size of the box is. We're always learning more about Him and what we think we know is always being blown away, causing us to need to make the box larger. I don't know. Maybe I'm just rambling on now. All I know is that God's been really showing me that even in our ministry, even on this trip, we're all (and believe me, I'm including myself) putting Him in a box.

He's giving me a huge passion, a fire, something I wish I'd felt more of before, to be creative, to go above and beyond the "hours of ministry", to be more Spirit-led, and to stop trying to tell God how much He can use me each day. I just feel like, it's not right keeping Him in that "...itty, bitty living space."

Ministry Supplies

Wed, 10 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Just a quick update for those of you that don't know. I am definitely coming back to the states for Christmas break, Dec 19-Jan 6th. Our leadership for the next semester has asked that those of us on the Jbay team, bring back ministry supplies from break if possible. I should have plenty of room in my suitcase so, if any of you would like to send construction paper, scissors, pencils, or anything like that-please let me know. Thank you all so much!

Does The Sun Still Rise If No One Sees It?

Fri, 21 Nov 2008 00:00:00 GMT

I can't imagine that there is ever a day where the sunrise is missed by the entire world's population. Between the different times zones and varied schedules of mankind, I don't think it's possible that even just one person daily sees the sun rise. The number must be in the thousands, perhaps even hundreds of thousands of people, or beyond greet each new day.

I have never been one of those people. I hate mornings in all honesty. I sometimes wonder what on earth God was thinking creating times earlier than 7:30 am, a time I prefer not to precede. This morning however, Friday November 21, 2008 I awoke at 4:35 am. I know, I know, I'm insane right? I'll explain.

During our discipleship times right now, half the team is reading Exiles by Michael Frost and the other half is reading Searching For God Knows What by Donald Miller. I am in the half that is reading Searching For God Knows What and am loving the book. Donald Miller is a wonderful and wonderfully funny writer.

As part of our discussion on the book, the leaders decided to take us to a place called SuperTubes to watch the sun rise. SuperTubes is an area of the beach where the best surfing is generally located. It is quite beautiful, as all areas of the beach here are, and is ideal for watching the sun rise. When they informed us that we would be leaving base at 4:45 am however, I'll admit I was much less than thrilled.

Wrapped in blankets and towels, we faced the ocean waiting for the sun to grace us with its presence. The morning had begun fairly cloudy and the hope was that the clouds would fade away. As tired as I was, I sat there in silence taking in the beauty of the waves. In my exhaustion, I was still able to feel God in His creation. A small section of the clouds began to show some color as we looked out on the water. The air was cool and the wind blew calmly as the clouds rest over the ocean. The color never broke through the clouds and the time at which we were supposed to see the sun came and went.

Did the sun not rise because we didn't see it? Of course not! The day was still beginning and the whole earth knew it. It was easy to see once the sun rose, that even the waves were aware. They grew in size as the tide made it's change. Seagulls dropped from the air into the water below, ready for their first meal. A family of dolphins peaked out of the crashing water and swam along the current, down the shore. All of this took place while we sat waiting to see the sun.

Our view was blocked, but the day still came. The sun didn't need for us to see it to know what it was supposed to do. The day's start didn't depend on us. It could not be held back by our absence or hurried by our presence. Life went on, as if we'd never even shown up. Life also went on even though to us, it appeared as if the sun hadn't shown up.

To think of all these things makes me feel pretty small. While that was one of many things I received from this morning, it wasn't the greatest reminder. The greatest reminder was looking at all of this morning, taking it all in, and seeing again how much God loves me. If God loves the earth enough to make sure the sun rises and sets every day, if He cares enough to intertwine ever intricate part of creation in interdependence, how much more must He care about me? If He puts that much time into all that, I have to stop and think about how much time He puts into me. If God didn't think of me this morning, I wouldn't have been able to take yet another breath.

It's always wonderful to be reminded just how much He cares for each and every one of us. I have to say though, I'm glad He speaks to me at any time of the day. That ensures I don't have to ever again get up at that time to have a conversation with Him. ;-)

It's Go Time!

Sat, 15 Nov 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Yesterday morning we knew heading into our discipleship time that we would be finding out our second location. We were told to bring something to blindfold ourselves with. Fortunately they ended up not making us use the blindfolds; I hate to have my eyes covered up. Shortly after we got to the hall, we were numbered off around the room. "1s" were sent to one part of the room, "2s" to another, and "3s" to a last section. Then one leader told us they couldn't decide, that it was too hard, and so they just decided to number us off and let that be our new groups. The group I was in supposedly represented Jeffreys Bay. Everyone started laughing, knowing full well they were joking.
   A few minutes later, the leaders started pulling people from the groups they were in and moving them around. After they were done, we saw the true order of our team. It was amazing and hilarious! There was screaming and hugging and all sorts of things. I, as you are all probably wondering, am staying in Jbay!! Praise God! I would have been happy with being sent to Swazi and I would have been able to handle Port Elizabeth, but I knew God was calling me to stay here. Jeffreys was my number one choice on the sheet that we had to fill out because my heart is here and God has continually confirmed that for me.
   My heart still breaks for Swazi and all that is taking place there. I believe one day God will send me there. I don't think He's done with me being in Africa after this trip is over. I'm excited for my teammates that are headed there though. In fact, that team only has two leaders and they could really use a third. Please pray that God sends one their way.
   As far as my Jbay team, we are all girls including leaders. That scared us a little at first, but it really will give us even more freedom in living together. When we return from Christmas break, we will be living in the house that is now the leader house. My team consists of 11 other girls (not including me), and three leaders. I am so excited about my team and about all the new opportunities we will have after Christmas.
   All that said, I love all my mates and will miss those I won't see after Christmas. We are all determined to make the most of this last month together! We will also be losing our four head-leaders: Chris and Christina Via, Tag and Holly Thompson will be headed back to the states..We love them and will miss them dearly. God has spoken so much through each of them. They will be taking a much needed break after running the Jeffreys Bay FYM Program for several years.
   I am so pumped about staying in Jbay and even more thrilled to be staying at Ithemba!! Thank you all for the prayers and time!

Ithemba Update

Thu, 13 Nov 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Let me just start off by saying, God is sooooo good!! Last Friday at Ithemba was the best day I've experienced so far. I finished up a blog that morning before heading off to ministry, that updated some of the progress I'd seen in a girl at Ithemba. Allulutho (I'd been told previously that her name was Aludehu) has, by God's grace, made great strides since we've been working at Ithemba.
   When I first started there, I noticed right away that she stood alone next to a wall every day. She never interacted with other children. She never smiled. She never talked. When I asked the Ithemba ladies about her, they told me she'd been like that for as long as she'd been attending and that she had never even spoken to them. That blew me away and challenged me to work one-on-one with her. I'd never worked with a child like Allulutho before, but I knew that God had a plan for this little girl and I.
   The first hurdle she jumped was to allow me to stand next to her. Since then Allulutho, has transformed into a joyful little girl that responds to her name, plays with myself and a few other teammates, and is beginning to interact with the other children. Instead of me pursuing her every day upon my arrival, she seeks me out and runs to me with open arms and a smile.
   Last Thursday, she played on the playground and in those few moments, I truly saw Jesus' love for her. Friday was by far however, the best day of all because she took the biggest step she's taken to date. That morning I wrote in my blog how I couldn't wait to see what God was going to do in her next. I typed of wanting to hear her speak. That afternoon at ministry, Allulutho spoke to me!!! She started with one Xhosa word and then said a word in English for me. I can't fully explain how I felt the second that first word was out of her mouth. I was filled with such joy that, if I had released it in any amount, the poor little thing would have been scared to death. Once the first word was out, it was as if Allulutho finally felt free. The floodgates were open. The little girl, so hidden away inside, was now brought to light. A few minutes later, she sat in my lap singing a song in Xhosa, an activity not uncommon to a stable, happy child. I sat there praising God silently, so overwhelmed by all He had done in her in one day.
   When her mom came to pick her up that day, she searched through the crowded room with her eyes, until they met mine. She threw up a big wave and a beautiful smile. I can't tell you what that felt like. To experience all of this in one day, seemed almost too much. It was all more than I'd expected to see God do in her in that amount of time. But then again, He is "able to do exceedingly, abundantly, above all we can ask or think.." (Eph 3:20)
   This week, I have seen Allulutho continue to blossom. I know she will be playing with the other children some day soon. God is so good, so faithful, so amazing. All praise be to God, the God of answered prayers!

   Another child I'd like to send out an update on is Victor, one of the three children God has place directly in my path. I haven't written much of Victor in some time. Most of that is due to the fact that between our team being out of town for Beat the Drum, and him being out of town for several weeks, I hadn't seen much of him. I'll be completely honest and say that I didn't hate having the break from him. He is extremely difficult to handle when trying to work with a couple of specific others and the large group. (Though Ithemba is a place of frequent multi-tasking.) I did miss him though and I did miss the opportunity to be challenged by God with him. And boy is he a challenge from God!
   Yesterday was the ultimate example of what that looks like. Yesterday though, was more than I've handled before with this boy or any other. When we first got there Victor seemed to be in a pretty good mood. That usually means he had a fairly abusive-free weekend. The Mondays he acts out the worse are a direct response to whatever he experienced between Friday and then. At some point Monday I noticed Victor going back into a room a teammate had just kicked him out of. I got up from sitting with Allulutho and went to see what he was doing. I never know what I'll get when following Victor into a room. Sometimes I'll walk in to find him about to pee in a corner. This time, I found him on top of a table skimming through a teaching book he wasn't supposed to have. My teammate had left the room briefly but, I knew that was her book and she wouldn't want it destroyed.
   I asked him to get off the table, knowing fully that he wouldn't of his own volition. The moment I tried to take away the book, he started trying to rip out the pages. I managed to get it away and ended up having to pick him up in the cradle position, and carry him out of the classroom. He tried to kick, hit and bite the whole time. I took him out to the big room, where all the children play, and sat on the floor still holding him. Victor is average height for his 4-5 age, and while he is pretty thin, his flailing was strong. The moment I re-entered the big room, Allulutho wanted my attention. So, when I sat down, I had her sitting on the floor wanting to play and him being restrained in my lap. I didn't really question what to do with him, which is of course all God. I just felt like I was supposed to hold him. As an abused child, he doesn't respond much to physical discipline. What he needed was love and a firm reaction to his behavior. People have given up on Victor because he is so difficult and in this moment, I plainly saw the result of that.
   He continued to try to kick and hit, not just me, but also Allulutho because she was the only other one around. Every couple of minutes he would turn his head and attempt to bite my arms that were wrapped around him, holding together his limbs. After a while he would calm down and then moments later would reach out to attack Allulutho or myself. I kept holding him in the cradle position. The harder he tried to fight me, the softer I spoke to him, the more I embraced him, and the greater I tried to make him see that it was "Ok." By the time he had calmed down again, the children were all being gathered on the stage for the bible story. I knew that if I let him go, free to sit by himself, that he would start acting out again. I headed towards the stage with him and as I walked past a girl on a team visiting from America, he lashed out and bit her sleeve. After I freed her we sat down behind all the other children. Throughout the first half of the story, he continued to try and reach out to kick, hit, or wipe spit on the other children. Every time he would get an arm or leg free, I would take it back in.
   At some point, Victor completely wore himself out. He couldn't fight anymore and fell asleep in my lap. I sat there through the rest of the story, still holding onto this little boy. I knew Victor wanted so much to be loved, but he just didn't know how to be. Even though he was asleep and couldn't cause anymore damage, I kept holding onto him. When the story was over, he was still asleep. After the bible story the kids go to class. I had to go to my Creche class, so I slowly slipped out from beneath him and left him to enjoy his earned rest.
   About five or ten minutes before class was over, I looked into the big room and saw Victor had awakened. He stood there on the stage like any typical child, eyes half way open, balance off, and with a glazed over face seemed to be staring through whatever was in front of him.
   I went to him and asked if he wanted to come to class. (Because of his age, he is in my class.) Perhaps it was exhaustion, or perhaps everything we'd just gone through but he didn't fight when I took his hand. He walked with me to the classroom. It was a short distance, but such a walk with him is usually occupied with the purposeful collapsing of his legs. He quietly sat down at the table and waited for me to hand him a piece of paper that all the others had. I helped him with the project I'd done with the rest of the class and then I got out the stickers. I'd given them all stickers for being good. Normally, giving Victor anything would not be a good idea, as everything ends up in his mouth or destroyed. I knelt down next to him and told him that I would give him a sticker as long as he promised not to eat it. Now, you'd have to know Victor to understand how big this was but, when I gave it to him he verbally promised.
   Again, I was blown away by God and all that He's doing in the children of Ithemba. Ithemba means "Hope" and for good reason. There is hope for Victor, despite how hopeless some may see him. There is hope for Allulutho, as quiet as she's been for so long. There is hope for each and every child that attends Ithemba. There is hope for each and every child in Jeffreys Bay, South Africa.

First Fast, Five Days

Sat, 8 Nov 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Our whole team (with the exception of a few held back by health issues) was on a fast from food and outside communication this last week. The fast began on Monday after breakfast and ended on Friday at midnight. We were given one meal a day. Monday-Breakfast, Tuesday-Lunch, Wednesday-Dinner, Thursday-No meals, Friday-Breakfast. The purpose in our entire team fasting was more than just spiritual reflection, unity, and commitments. We sought God's guidance in our upcoming outreach locations and our acceptance of His call. On Monday we were given a list of all three locations for the second semester. (The team was thrilled as most have been waiting impatiently to find out what location they will be headed to in January.) By Wednesday we were to have prayed over the three options, numbered them in order of preference, and turned the list back in. From there, the leadership team will pray over each student and by God's guidance, develop the teams for each location. The locations are Jeffreys Bay, Swaziland, and Port Elizabeth. Port Elizabeth, and of course Jeffreys Bay, are both in South Africa. Swaziland is its own country, located in Southern Africa.

Day One-Our meal was breakfast. When lunch time rolled around, my body was ready to eat like every other day. I kept having to remind myself that I wasn't going to be eating when discipleship was over. I felt pretty hungry most of the day. Having never fasted before, I didn't really know what to expect from this. I had no idea how my body would handle it. During the hours I was at Ithemba, I didn't have too much time to think about it. (Though, the children were eating when we got there and while their food has never looked appetizing, it did today.) At times I got past the feeling of hunger by drinking water and praying. Meal times I spent in prayer and simple conversation with God. By the time we returned from ministry, I had no energy and felt pretty hungry. I noticed throughout the day, as tired as I was, that I was more aware of what God was doing around me.The rest of the evening I spent in stillness with God. It was one of the most peaceful nights I've had here. I prayed wisdom about the three locations and a few other specific things.

Day Two-Our meal was lunch. I awoke at the normal time. Since there was no breakfast, there was no reason to leave the cabin until meal time. I got ready and climbed back on my bed, put in my headphones, and began praying. I asked for guidance again about the three locations. I know which location holds my heart, but I'm praying to see His. I've felt called to stay in Jbay since the night we drove in and have felt confirmation since. However, I want to make sure that's Him and not me, speaking for Him. I had no problem with feeling hungry today. I am loving all this extra time I'm spending with God in prayer. It is making such a huge difference. Later on in the evening we had a time of worship. I lifted up the three locations again and some time into worship I felt God was giving me my answer. I went back to my cabin and filled out my paper. What location I end up in now is between God and my leaders.

Day Three-Our meal was dinner. The day before, upon returning from ministry I was having a hard time physically with the fast. I was feeling pretty weak and exhausted. That was even more aggravated today. It was extremely difficult to make it to ministry, stay checked in while there, and make it back. I felt as if I were going to pass out several different times. Having never fasted before, I didn't know beforehand where my limits would be. Knowing me the way that I do, I decided I needed to stop pushing myself harder than I could handle. I ate our normal one meal and made the decision to resume eating "regularly" on Thursday.

Day Four-The official the day of no meals. However, I joined the ranks of those who couldn't fast for medical reasons and ate lunch and dinner. Breakfast I didn't partake in, so that I could spend that time in prayer and reflection with God. (My fast would personally still continue to be from coffee and carbonated drinks, which I had not mentioned before.) Although the meal aspect of my fast changed, I still felt as if I was in a "fasting" state of mind with the Lord. I continued to feel as if I was more aware of the things He was doing in me and around me. At Ithemba, Allulutho (the name I now know to be correct for the girl I work one-on-one with) played on the playground and smiled as she slid down! That was huge. She's not played on the playground once since we've been here. I'm going to assume that she's also never played on it since she has been attending Ithemba. She smiles every day when she sees me now. She also comes up to me instead of me having to pursue her. God is doing so much in this little girl!! I'm excited to see what more He has in store for her. Maybe in the coming month, she will speak to me.

Day Five-The meal for the whole team was breakfast. I know many of my teammates loved the fast and what they learned out of it. That said, I don't think any of them were sad about eating "normally" on Saturday. :-) In fact, I know a few people prepared to be awake at midnight when the fast ended-so that they could have chocolate or whatnot. I found that amusing, especially since I hate chocolate and don't eat it. (Some of you just found that out for the first time. Yes, there are a few of us in the world, even a few women, that don't like chocolate. ;-) I'm sorry if I've just wrecked everything you knew to be true and good.) Despite having some awful pain issues with my knee this last week, unrelated to the fast of course, I loved the fast. It was hard on my body and I now know I cannot fast for that long at a time. However, I learned so much about God this last week. I also learned how much better our relationship could be if I'd just give Him the time of day, literally. I'm so excited to head into this next week with the commitments and knowledge I have now, ready to be the change I want to see.

A Little More Me

Sun, 26 Oct 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Most of the blogs I've written haven't contained much detail about the things I've experienced within, since this trip began. There have been a myriad of things and moments that I've only eluded to in previous blogs. What I knew before the trip, was that it wasn't just about coming and doing some mission-work in a foreign country. While this trip was mainly meant to spread the word of Christ, its purpose was also to raise up men and women of Christ. That is the reason why every week, we have three different kinds of discipleship:

Monday-Big group discipleship (meaning every teammate is present)
Tuesday-Small group discipleship (meaning the team is broken up)
Wednesday-Big group discipleship
Thursday-Small group discipleship
Friday-Big group discipleship

Certain experiences so far have been rather common amongst my teammates, such as the struggle with being homesick. Having never been away from family and friends for more than a week at a time, I didn't grasp just how much it would hit me once I left Knoxville. One thing that has made this struggle more difficult personally, is that I find it extremely difficult to live in both worlds. I feel as if I'm straddling continents. Between keeping up with emails from home (though don't get me wrong-I'd be sad without them), wanting to be there for friends and family back home, and trying to live in this world 24/7....I've dealt with feeling quite torn . It has however, gotten much easier and manageable as time has passed. (In the beginning though, it was a huge source of stress.) When I figure out how to perfectly live in two worlds while being completely focused on where I am 24/7, I'll let you know. Until then, such is the life of a missionary! :-p

Our discipleship times though, hone in on matters of discussion much deeper than being homesick. Even during training camp, we had nights of messages on getting rid of the stuff that weighs us down. I believe each and every person on this trip, and the other trips from training camp, has dealt with some big stuff. The goal was not to drudge up wounds from the past, but to point out that sometimes there are things from the past or present that hold us back from a closer relationship to God. In order to be completely and totally ready to be used by God, you really have to examine every aspect of your life. Like the sessions from training camp, our weekly discipleship times are times of examining our relationships with God.

I can't possibly relate everything God has pointed out and taught me in the nearly two months passed. What I can share with you though, is my struggles from this last week. Our Identities in Christ was the topic, looking at what that means, and breaking the chains of things that have bound us to false identities. Wednwasy we were in big group and were given the task of staring at a mirror. It sounds odd, I know. We were each given small mirrors that had our names on them. The object was to stare into the mirrors, first to get past the physical flaws we saw in ourselves (as we all too often base our identity on such things), then to realize the lies we'd believed about ourselves, and also to proclaim the truths about ourselves. (All of this was kind of at once and not in any order) Later throughout it, we were told to take our names of the mirror, symbolizing the names the world had given us, and found a verse hidden beneath it...

I never stare at myself in the mirror for longer than it takes me to put my makeup on. So, I first tried to get past all the physical flaws I saw in myself. That was difficult enough and then came more difficulty. I tried to think of the words that I would use to identify myself. I thought of all the "right answers" : daughter, friend, missionary..etc. But then God started pointing out that deep down, I don't always see myself in the light of those things. I believe them sure, but they aren't the subconscious things by which I identify myself. So then God started opening me up to the lies I believe about myself. There were some I didn't even realize I'd been believing. Some of them I'd just grown up believing, and couldn't see as lies. These lies, I realized had been at the core of my self-image growing up, and had remained until now. Not only was that true, but I was about to see just how much these lies had affected my life and relationships, most importantly my relationship with God.

The first one God started out with was my fight for control and when He did, I completely and utterly lost it. I haven't cried like that in well, I don't know how long. (Though God had already been softening my emotions and allowed me to all-out cry during one day at training camp, it was nothing like this..) When I removed my name from the mirror and found the verse "You are strong and rooted in Christ." I lost it even more.
Basically what God told me was this, "You feel like you always have to be in control. You tell me I can have things, and sometimes you give all of something to Me. But then there are the times where you take something back, or hold tightly a portion of it in your hand. You don't get to be in control. When you run things, you know what happens. So, stop trying to control all these big things. Stop it. I know what I'm doing. You don't have to. Let Me be Me. You take the back seat. Enjoy the ride. Look at it as an adventure, a surprise for what's around the bend. I have a reason. There is a point. I see you. I see your worry. I still love you and I'm still going to do what's best for you. You don't need to know what that is, because I do. I knew everything about your life before I even made the world."
So yeah, that's a portion of the breaking God has done in me this last week. (And believe me, for all my mates and I, this trip will continue to be a trip of breaking and not just serving) Needless to say, it was extremely difficult to go to ministry that day..after crying my face off and feeling emotionally, physically, and spiritually drained and unprocessed but..we press on!
My new view: This is a journey. My present, my future, is a journey. God shows me one step at a time because He knows what I'd do if the whole path were lit. He sees the steps ahead. He knows where the cracks in the path are. He's waiting and wanting to walk this path with me. When I try to take the reigns, I stumble and step off the path. I worry and am stressed beyond belief. I am not meant to handle this life He's given me. I am meant to surrender ALL; not just a portion. I am going to start looking at this, my life, especially what's to come..the unknown, as a surprise, a beautiful surprise He made just for me. The possibilities are endless! I'm going to chose to see it as exciting and endearing that He would take care not to let me know what's coming next in things I can't control.
I can tell a stranger all the haunted stories of my past, but it is very rare for me to share the inner struggles of my heart with many. (This is the reason for the title of the blog.) Knowing the list of people reading this is increasing, to say that many will read this should scare me. It doesn't and I can only accredit that to God. I really feel like He was pressing on my heart to share with you all everything He is doing...everything you deserve to be a part of.
Thank you for taking the time to read my blogs (I know they're rarely short) and for the prayers.
God is moving, watch for what He's doing!

Beat the Drum

Tue, 21 Oct 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Somerset East, South Africa

October 10, 2008-October 17, 2008

A small town, nestled at the bottom of a mountain, divided by race and economy was the location chosen by God for Beat the Drum. A three hour drive inland, placed us in a significantly warmer climate on Friday morning. Right away we met up with the various teams and locals that we would be working with. All teams were integrated to create one large, united, Beat the Drum team.

Training began upon arrival and our time was consumed with activities and sessions. Saturday we were in sessions all day. The sessions helped to further explain the program, while preparing us for the coming week. To give you an idea of what the program actually is, I'll explain. Beat the Drum is more than an HIV/AIDS initiative. Beat the Drum does more than simply promote abstinence. The program is centered on the movie, Beat the Drum. The movie was filmed in South Africa, cast with South Africans, and does an amazing job of appealing culturally to its audience. The myths, lies, and ignorance surrounding HIV/AIDS and sex are addressed while also showing God's truth.

Each Beat the Drum week starts out with a showing of the movie. Depending on the town, it is shown to anyone and everyone including farmers, children, teens, mothers, teachers, and inmates. If it is being shown in a "community" setting, the movie is followed by preaching and calls for commitments. In the schools, the movie is followed by daily curriculum that further explains abstinence, digs into personal issues and traumas, and presents God's views on sex and love.

So, that's what the structure of the program looks like. The week, in and of itself, contained much more than that. For me personally, the week was extra exhausting. On Saturday, all throughout our sessions, I had a fever and was feeling pretty nauseous. Determined not to be brought down by sickness again, and especially throughout the program, I pushed on through our training and sessions. By Saturday night, I felt awful and was awakened in the middle of the night, feeling much worse. Sunday I stayed home from church to rest and try to get better. At this point I was convinced I just had some sort of stomach virus. I found out later on Sunday that two other girls were sick with apparently the same thing. We all lived in different locations and were informed that Monday we were going to the doctor. Monday morning arrived with all three of us at the doctor's office. After being examined individually we were informed that we had some kind of lovely little bacteria. We were all contagious, dehydrated, and close to needing to go to the hospital. The doctor informed me that I was worse of than my two teammates and was just at the edge of the need for hospitalization. All three of us were given meds and a number to call if we weren't beginning to improve by the morning. Thanks be to God that none of us ended up having to go to the hospital the next morning! After a few days of rest, we were able to join the program and head to our areas of assignment. That, my dear supporters, is the very un-detailed, "PG" version of my lovely South African sickness. Believe me, you don't want all the details.

The weekend, the following week, and the days and weeks prior to the program were filled with stories like this. Satan definitely did NOT want us in Somerset East, and for good reason! God shook Somerset and the other two small towns that some of the team was working in. I cannot even begin to tell you how many amazing stories there are from the week. In some classrooms, nearly all students not only made a commitment to abstinence, but also gave their lives to Christ. Many students gave up addictions to drinking and cellphone pornography. So many young teens were blown away by the truths about sex, AIDS, love, life, and God. Many of us were blown away to find out the lies they had been believing. There were a large portion of students that remained silent and made no commitments. At first, that was discouraging. But then, we were reminded that we don't always get to see the fruit and that God's truth was still communicated.

By Friday, the last day of Beat the Drum, numerous commitments to self and God had been made throughout Somerset and the surrounding areas. Friday afternoon, the youth center was opened up for area-wide HIV testing. Men, women, and children packed the building, standing in line for hours. Though the numbers were low, some tests were positive and counseling was provided.These towns were truly changed by God, and in big ways. People were changed. Minds and hearts were changed.

I feel so blessed to have been able to see God work so greatly. I also feel extremely blessed to have been able to be part of what took place this past week. So many townspeople thanked us for what we were doing there. The truth was though, that it was what God was doing there. We were merely able to be vessels for that work.

I feel like there's so much more I could share. For the sake of time and stress your eyes may be feeling :-), I'll sum the rest of it up. There is a saying we have around AIM and South Africa. Some one says "God is good" and then the crowd resounds with "All the time!" That person follows with "All the time.." and the crowd finishes with "God is good!" Just stop and think about that for a second. Think about how GOOD God REALLY is.

Satan didn't want us in Somerset East or the other small towns. Satan didn't want God to move. God blew Satan's attempts out of the water! God changed hundreds of lives! God changed the lives of many of my teammates! God moved mountains!

So just continue to let that settle in....God is good! .. All the time! All the time...God is Good!

Ithemba

Wed, 8 Oct 2008 00:00:00 GMT

My heart breaks. My heart breaks for the people of Jeffreys Bay. My heart breaks for the teachers and children at Ithemba. I haven't yet had the opportunity to share with you all the details of my daily ministry, that which serves as my internship in this program.

I serve at Ithemba. Ithemba is an after-school care program for the children of the townships. The children there range from ages 3-12 and most of them come from abusive, neglectful, poverty-striken environments. Attendance can be any where from 20 to 50 children every day. Preschool age children are there all day, while school age children arrive around 1pm.

My ministry team consists of seven teammates and one to two leaders. Our job is to partner along side the people that work there year-round, not taking over their jobs, but assisting and equipping them. On a "normal" week, (a word that isn't all too applicable in AIM scheduling) we head out to ministry at 1pm and stay until 5pm.
Though most of the children are coming to Ithemba from hours at school, most of them are far too behind educationally. After a small meal (for some children, the only meal they will eat that day) and some free time, the children are split into three different classes for 30-45 minutes of value and academic-based "school work".

I work in the youngest class, referred to as The Cresh. The Cresh actually consists of three different age groups: Cresh, Grade R, and Grade 1. I focus on the youngest of the youngest within that group, which are children aged between 3 and 5. We have one of the hardest classes (though they are all very difficult), in that language can be a larger barrier with the youngest ones. Most, but not all, of the children comprehend some English. The Cresh, generally choose not to communicate in English nor sometimes in their native language. At times, that can be a source of frustration. However, God is bigger than language. God is universal!

"The heavens declare the glory of the God; the firmament sheweth His handywork. Day unto day uttereth speech and night unto night sheweth knowledge. Their is no speech or language where their voice is not heard. " Psalm 19:1-3

Ithemba is also a sister-church to Deo Doxa, a large local church in town. On Sundays, there is a service at Ithemba. I have attended there for the last two Sundays. It is the most "African" church experience you can get here.

Prayer Requests

Wed, 8 Oct 2008 00:00:00 GMT

I would like to offer up a couple of things for prayer. I ask, first off, that you pray for my team. Sickness has been extremely rampant amongst the leaders and participants of the Jbay team. We unfortunately have more than one kind of sickness going around. Measures are continually being put into action, to differ the spreading of germs. Satan has been using sickness to tear this team down. Those that are well enough to go to ministry, have a hard time making it through the day. Many have been forced to miss out on ministry entirely. Please pray that God will build anew the bodies of each leader and teammate.

My second request really ties into the first. This Friday, our entire team will be heading to Sommerset East (about three hours away from Jeffrey's Bay) for a week and day long AIDS outreach called Beat the Drum. This is a huge project (based based on the Beat the Drum movie)! Months of time and sacrifices have gone into readying Sommerset East for this project. Our team will be there to dive right in, from AIDS education to evangelism. We will be living in the homes of the members of this community. Sommerset East is a community of warm, open people that are sadly so ignorant about AIDS and the love of Christ. I ask that you lift up Beat the Drum in many aspects. Please pray for the health and strength of our team, before we head out, and as we live in this community and minister around the clock for just over a week. Please pray against the lies and traps of Satan as he will attempt to tear down this project. Please pray for the people of Sommerset East, the farmers, the prisoners, the children, the business owners, the mothers, every inhabitant of this community. Please pray that each team member and every other team we are partnering with will be completely dependent on God and His truth.

Thank you for your prayers!